When the Spark Fades, That's Not the End
of Your Story.
You still love each other. You're also driving each other absolutely crazy, or worse, you've stopped trying altogether and settled into a polite, exhausting distance that feels nothing like the relationship you signed up for. Maybe the arguments are on repeat with no real resolution. Maybe one of you has started finding connection somewhere else. Maybe you're just roommates now, and you can't quite remember when that happened or how to find your way back.
After three decades of working with couples, one thing is consistently true: this isn't a love problem. Your nervous systems are running old protection strategies that made perfect sense at some point and are now quietly dismantling your intimacy. In our work together, we get underneath whatever argument is on the surface and into what's actually driving it: the attachment wounds, the patterns you inherited long before this relationship, the moments one of you felt unseen or misread and didn't have the words to say so.
Using PACT, an approach rooted in neuroscience and attachment theory, I help you understand what your partner actually needs to feel safe and loved, and how to ask for the same in return. What we build together is what I call secure functioning: a relationship where real safety, fairness, and deep mutual care aren't occasional victories but the actual foundation you both stand on.
“A relationship is not a promise of perfection, but a commitment to care through mistakes and injuries.”
~Carolyn Sharp
What working together actually looks like
Sessions run 90 minutes to three hours. That's longer than most therapy, and intentionally so. It means we go deep enough in a single meeting to actually shift something, not just talk about it. Most couples work with me once or twice a month.
I work with you in real time, in the room, watching what happens between you as it happens. Not just what you tell me happened at home. We slow things down, look at the moments where things go sideways, and build new responses together until they become the ones you reach for automatically.
If you want to go further, faster, intensives are also an option: three consecutive days at my office near Newburyport, designed for couples who are ready to do a significant amount of work in a short period of time. Most couples leave an intensive feeling like they got six months of therapy done in a long weekend.
I see couples together only. The relationship is my client.
Not sure where you stand? That's okay too.
Some couples come in not sure whether they're staying or going. That's okay. Part of what we do is help you both get honest about that, by looking at what's actually happening between you, not just what you think is happening. You'll leave with more clarity than you came in with, whatever you decide.
"Carolyn, you were amazing. Present, solid, unbiased, intelligent, engaged.
So, so helpful for both of us and that's a f**ing miracle. 🩷"* — J & M
Ready to find your way back to each other?
In-person sessions near Newburyport, MA.
Virtual sessions in Washington State and New York.